no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
