I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
