I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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