But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
