So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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