So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
