Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
