doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
