if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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