Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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