He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish life had little blips of pornography
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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