Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
