Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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