We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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