it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
