billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
