RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
