I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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