There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
