im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
