he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
