Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
