I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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