so let's talk penis.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
