Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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