I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Holy shit dude........stairs
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
