last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
