Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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