just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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