omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
