i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
