I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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