tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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