is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
