I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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