As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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