I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
try to milk me bitch
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