please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
