Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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