I have demons in me.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
