i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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