I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
