If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
