The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
