Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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