the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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