next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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