Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
