Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Randomize
