I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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