If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
